Barack Obama smokes? many  Ah ain’t used to writin much but ah tries and dats da main thing right?  Ah gots lotsa help with dis so don’t complane bout my speling, ok?  I jest wanna share mah o-pinions an complaints about our most awesomest president. 

Most people call him Barack Obama or mebbe include his middle name, Hussein, but dat just be too Muslim, if yo catch mah drift.  Anyways, to me he’s just plain ol’ “Barry,” the  name he used fo years befo he got uppity and went to Columbia and Hahvard with a little help from his friends and learnt about his roots like Kunta Kinte.    

I can call him Barry since him, Mishelle, and his honky veep an his dago campaign manager adress me by the name mah momma gave me when they email me once or twicet a week.  

Ah signed up to be on Barry’s emailing list years ago and, since den ah be most proud to say I been invited to the White House a buncha times.  Well, dey wasn’t invitations, dey was “opportunitys” to be invited if ah sent him money but ah consider them pretty real, specially dose extra-special invites to Barry’s and Mishelles birthday blasts. 

Ah didn’t go because ah couldnt buy presents after we spend all our food stamps on some goodies, Ha, Ha, ya know wut ah mean.  Ahm a responsibble person.  Ah needed what was left to feed all my kids. 

Yep, ahm what dey call a forty-seven percenter cuz 47% of Amerika is on food stamps and Barry is da food stamp prez and whats wrong with dat?  They ain’t stamps no more, anyway.  Now dey give us a credit card thing that makes us look like we’re acshully payin for our food!   

Now, I can unnerstand the prez’s Wall Street friends like Goodman Sax are pissed at him for calling dem ”fat cats” but, c’mon, dey are fat, but why is it all about the green alla time,  man?  The Obama emails always go back to money like when ah was sorta invited to a party jest yesterday by some beatch, Ann Marie Habershaw. 

The Advocate. Not a care  She was nice tho and she gave me some good advise.  She told me to ”Choose your guest wisely” when ah send her three my bucks–which i didn’t–to enter a raffle “to go to a party for the President at George Clooney’s house.”  He’s dat actor that everyone thinks is gay but ah think he’s a lyin’ hypocrit for tryin to say he’s a ninety-nine percenter and we all know he’s a stinkin zillionire! 

Just today, ah gots anudder emails what sez dey will pays mah aeroplane fair, dat is if ah coughs up dat tree bucks an ah wins da contest.  Ahm not gonna tho.  Ah jest don’t think no grate man like Barry shoud be rafflin hisself off like dat for 3 lousy bucks!

They all seem to have this thing about dat three number.  My buddy hisself sent me an email last week.  He sez, “The other side thinks they can win by trashing me” and axed me to give him three to help stop that damn trashing. 

Ah couldn’t figger whose been trashing him but ah knows it goes on all da time, all da time.  When those Occupy peeps rip him a new one an that creepy Bill Maher dude send him a mil and then sez he don’t like Barry no more an dat snl John Loveitz badmouthes him an calls him ”a f*ckin a**hole,” he must be in deep sheat and needs all the hep he can get.  

I thought of hocking my own bitch’s wedding ring to raise the thou for the priviledge of shaking Barry’s hand but she felt it wasn’t worth it and it wasn’t paid for yet.  She doesn’t know I stole the damn ring anyway and thinks paying the landlord man is more impotant!  

“The Obama Team” emailed to axe me to send another $3.00 for the chance to eat with Barry an to remind me that, “Every donation doesn’t just give you a chance to get dinner with the President.  It also provides the resources that will help open all those field offices and hire all organizers.” 

I didn’t give then neither.  First of all, ah can feed myself and ah likes my soul food.  Second, Miz O. would probly serve some brazed hummus and boiled shredded bran flakes or some other trash.  Thirdly, I’m not a big fan of A-rab food that tastes like, well, A-rab food and my bowels dey be functionin very fine, thank you very much.  Ha Ha

Email:  Anyways, Barry’s peeps at ACORN are still around and they can volunteer to man dose offices.  Dere almost as good at organizin as he was in Chicago and dose suckers dey don’t even get payd! . . . 

Dat’s all fo now.  Be shure to read Part Two which is even bester than dis!!