Apparently, my recent article, “Paid Government Perversions, Compliments of Your TSA,” (November 5, 2010,, which detailed (alleged!) outrageous Transportation Security Agency violations of personal space and bodies at American airports, was totally erroneous. 

Apparently, also, the statements of “Michelle” (last name omitted to preserve what’s left of her dignity) were a bundle of lies. 

When she attested on the Alex Jones radio show that a male officer “cupped” her breasts, ran his open palms up and down her legs and her “private area” at the Denver airport and that the TSA insisted on “patting down” her 2 daughters, age 20 months and 8 years, she fabricated the whole thing! 

I profoundly and profusely apologize for posting such slanders against the fine men and women of the TSA.  I now know they were lies and slanders because the TSA says such indignities, which amount to sexual assaults and pedophilia, never happened, aren’t happening, and could never happen under its watch. 

Furthermore, according to the TSA, any fears of radiation from airport naked body scanners are totally unfounded, so I therefore also apologize for posting any misleading information on that issue. 

The TSA’s own “Blogger Bob” was asked, “Why are you [not] posting about TSA’s ongoing sexual assault on travelers who don’t wish to be irradiated by untested machines run by poorly trained screening clerks?”  Blogger Bob responded, “There is no fondling, squeezing, groping, or any sort of sexual assault taking place at airports.  You have a professional workforce carrying out procedures they were trained to perform to keep aviation security safe:” 

That link also provides a vivid demonstration of TSA’s non-fondling, non-squeezing, non-groping pat-down procedures. 

Government and government flunkies never lie so there, that’s settled. 

Except that it’s anything but settled.

A USAToday report substantiates “Michelle’s” experience: ”The new searches are done with screeners’ hands sliding over a passenger’s body.  However, the searches require screeners to touch passengers’ breasts and genitals.” 

The TSA counters that, “Pat downs are one important tool to help TSA detect hidden and dangerous items such as explosives” and some frequent travellers such as Jay Burns of the Village of Loch Lloyd, Mo., is fully on board saying, ”If this stops a terrorist, I am in favor:” 

Much less in favor are far more frequent travellers, pilots and flight attendants. 

One supporter, Brian Sodergren of Washington, D.C., said, “Getting a plane ticket doesn’t mean you’re consenting to someone being able to look under your clothes or feel your genitals.” 

Sodergren concurs with Deborah Volpe, VP of the Association of Flight Attendants Local 66, who says, “We’re getting calls daily about peoples’ experiences, our members are concerned . . . “We don’t want them in uniform going through this enhanced screening where their private areas are being touched in public.  They actually make contact with the genital area:”  

As for the irradiation issue, President Obama’s science czar and Director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy (OSTPC), John Holdren, assures everyone that it’s all copesetic and eminently safe.  That’s the same John Holdren who believes, among other bizarre notions, that newborn babies are expendable until they become adequately “socialized:”     

All of that considered, I hereby retract my profuse apologies for “Paid Government Perversions . . . ”

The TSA has confused concerns over flight delays and any sane traveller’s ultimate concern, safety and security, with a right to sexually molest passengers of any age as well as the crew on airlines. 

There’s a difference, DHS Secretary Napolitano!