You can dress a clown up as a senator but he would still be a clown, and not necessarily a very funny clown.  Alan Stuart Franken, aka the dopey, simpering, effeminate Stuart Smalley, was canned because he wasn’t funny on “Saturday Night Live,” failed with talk radio’s leftist Air America, and had little else to do but stage a run for the United States Senate. 

Inexplicably, Minnesotans elected him–by 312 votes and with more than a little help from ineligible Twin Cities convicted felons, creative re-counting of ballots, and empathetic Minnesota courts.  Coincidentally, Minnesota’s state bird is the common loon.

And so Mr. Franken went to Washington in 2009 toting all his baggage and a tainted plurality. 

He was thrilled according to CNN and is finally on a comic roll in D.C., such as it is. 

Freshmen senators don’t usually accomplish much early on in their senatorial tenures but Franken recently hit his stride by taking positions on two controversial issues now being debated in congress: the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, DOMA, and the debt ceiling. 

He was wrong on both. 

   Defying the odds and never letting facts cloud his judgment, Franken ripped into the Bill Clinton initiative, DOMA, passed by an overwhelming 84% of congress fifteen years ago and subsequently reinforced by 31 of 31 states which concurred that a marriage consists of one man, one woman, no variations allowed. 

A number of prominant Democrats including Sens. Harry Reid and Pat Leahy supported DOMA in 1996 but, with the rise of gay social and political power, have switched sides and abandoned whatever principles they once had.  

Sen. Franken is equally-unprincipled even if he is hardly prominent but he blows in the political winds with the best of them.

In pushing for support of the Respect for [Homosexual] Marriage Act to replace DOMA, Franken attacked an anti-gay marriage advocate, Tom Minnery, for citing a 2007 HHS study.  That study unequivocably showed that children fare better in a “nuclear family” consisting of biological or adoptive parents.  

Franken contended that same-sex parents do just as well rearing their kids, ignoring the reality that there were approximately 59 million normal married households in America versus 0.0002% of gay families among the “nuclear households” at the time of the HHS conclusions. 

In addition and despite gay claims, according to the 2010 Census, few homosexuals have adopted children, fortunately, which makes Franken’s arguments insubstantial and unverifiable.  The facts also render him asinine and his verbal abuse of Minnery even more heinous.                  

See all the facts and figures in a HumanEvents.com article, http://tiny.cc/m0240.  See also “Stuart Smalley Goes to Washington,” http://bit.ly/nV9NSD.

Predictably, the ever-asinine Franken was lauded by the left for his twisted analysis.  The former Stuart Smalley’s alter ego must have been proud, indeed. 

Unfazed and undismayed like most libs when proven wrong, Franken also flashed his ignorance as well as a dearth of comic genius when he weighed in on the Washington farce in progress involving the national debt, what cannot reasonably be called a debt ceiling debate since our debt has long ago gone through every ceiling and roof in sight. 

In what his home state StarTribune.com termed, “Franken’s SNL Moment in Senate,” Franken dragged a slew of charts and posters onto the Senate floor as if to cover for his fundamental ignorance on the subject of the debt ceiling vote. 

Spouting his Democrat Party’s tiresome and distorted drivel on imminent catastrophe,  Franken expounded on the Obamian fear-panic mantra that the sky would fall on August 2nd should those dastardly Republicans continue in their intransigent objections to national bankruptcy. 

As the Star Tribune characterized Franken’s presentation, “He couched it as black humor,” devoid of any comic relief.  He included as part of his exhibition a sign reading, “Welcome Terrorists,” his less than witty warning on not  permitting President Obama authority to tack on a few more trillion dollars to America’s indebtedness. 

He also ranted on about ”no pay for active duty military.  No benefits for veterans.  No federal loans for low-income students about to head off to college in the fall.  No federal government employees, including counter-terrorism agents in the FBI, for example.  No border agents. . . And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”  (http://bit.ly/n2zGOO) 

Unless senior citizens were under that iceberg, he forgot to mention the elderly who would be denied their Social Security checks, thrown out of their homes, starve in the streets, and have their carcases devoured by wild dogs before they were run over by Republicans. 

Of course, with more than sufficient funding in monthly tax receipts, none of that would happen unless Obama–and Franken–want it to happen in order to punish the populace for listening to the GOP.  We might have to temporarily shutter such useless agencies as the FCC and the EPA and furlough a few hundred thousand ineffectual, overpaid federal leeches for a while but, for what they’re worth, our counterterror and border security would be unimpaired. 

Terrorists would not be any more welcome than they are already, Al Franken’s sick joke to the contrary. 

It’s unfortunate that Franken wasn’t funnier on “Saturday Night Live.”  Had Stuart Smalley’s daily affirmations been more amusing rather than lame Franken self-reflections of his character, he might have made a career as a comedian rather than inflicting his sickness on the US Senate.