The ”Darwin Award” is conferred on individuals who unknowingly gave their all in the inadvertent interests of preserving humanity’s gene pool by expiring in the process of committing acts of amazing stupidity and thereby removing themselves from the danger of further corrupting the genetic makeup of the human species. 

Without referencing darwinism and the survival of the fittest, Spike TV features any number of deserving Darwin Awards winners on “1000 Ways to Die,” a ghoulish series on how people meet their Maker via wooden-headed choices.   

Usually conferred posthumously, exceptions should be granted for giving a “Darwin” to  the recently-released Iraq, (or was it Iran?) hikers.      

Hikers Return Home   Most Americans were delighted when Shane Bower and Josh Fattal were finally set free by the Iranians and were able to re-join fellow hiker Sarah  Shourd on American soil after what the HuffingtonPost.com called  a 2-year “saga,” a term most often reserved to describe heroic adventures rather than idiotic blunders. 

America may be desperate for heroes but Bower, Fattal, and Shourd hardly fit the bill. 

In an impressive display of Islamic magnanimity toward a gender customarily stoned to death for much less grievous offenses than violating Iranian territorial integrity–and alleged spying–Shourd was released in 2010. 

All three had been captured the year before as they blithely traversed the Iraq-Iran border since, apparently, the millions of acres of national parkland, untrammeled mountains, woods, and deserts available to  hikers throughout the United States and other civilized countries held no attraction or opportunities for adventure. 

Instead Bower, Fattal, and Shourd chose what they believed to be Iraq’s Kurdish region, essentially a war zone removed from current fighting. 

The 29 year old men were ultimately rescued from their prison plight by a million dollar ransom paid by undisclosed sources to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s government which can now utilize that money to further subsidize its funding of various Muslim wars against Western civilization, or maybe to provide attractive landscaping around its nuclear weapons facilities. 

Without denying the trio had crossed over into Iraq, Fattal wasted no time lambasting their Iranian captivity as a political act saying from the safety of a Manhattan hotel,  “From the very start, the only reason we have been held hostage is because we are American.  Iran has always tied our case to its political disputes with the U.S.” 

It seems that awareness or the possibility of capture in a hostile land never struck Fattal or the other happy campers when they thought they were taking in the sights of beautiful Iraq.  

Bower, who became engaged to Shourd in jail, felt the irony of all ironies was that “Sarah, Josh and I oppose U.S. policies towards Iran which perpetuate this hostility.”  (http://huff.to/qczuUZ)  

Wrong, again, Hostage-Breath. 

To oppose “U.S. policies toward Iran” is to endorse the widespread criminality of that rogue nation and its maniacal leadership intent on effecting an imminent Armageddon and nuclear devastation in the Mideast and ultimately the institution of a worldwide Muslim caliphate. 

I doubt, however, that Shane, Josh, and Sarah ever bothered their little heads over such realities.  Their only interests were hiking near a war zone and for that they fully deserve to be the first living recipients of a Darwin Award in anticipation that they will return to Iraq, be re-captured, and executed this time when no million dollar ransom mysteriously materializes. 

The only glitch in that scenario is the engagement of Bower and Shourd.  Should they wed and reproduce, there goes the gene pool and the whole distinction of the Darwin Awards.